


sweatshirt is our song

by reylofics



Category: Black Mirror, Black Mirror: Bandersnatch
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-01 21:37:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17251826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reylofics/pseuds/reylofics
Summary: created a crack fic because there needs to be at least one (1) in every fandom





	sweatshirt is our song

**Author's Note:**

> i am stefan x colin trash

“lmao who’s there” stefan snorts

“netflix” reads his computer screen, in response 

“whateVERRR” stefan drawls lazily. he then, like a complete maniac for no reason at all, flips the computer over and watchs as it catches all the surrounding papers on fire

the house is going to catch on fire.. he should probably stop drop and roll but , again, for no reason at all, stefan feels like going all psycho (sicko mode) on his innocent dad’s ass downstairs. he mysteriously grabs a knife that he has convienently placed by his bed and heads downstairs as he begins to deepthroat the smoke . the smoke doesn’t affect him AT ALL because he’s the main character and cannot be killed by something as trivial as a house fire! instead he continues to go down and *gasp* sees that his dad has already choked to death on (some dick) some smoke fumes . stefan is mad that he couldn’t kill his dad so he chops his dad up anyways 

like a normal person, stefan leaves his chopped up dad all over the house and goes to call his therapist . the receptionist answers and says that the therapist is with a client right now (stefan calls total bullshit because why would she have ANY other patients wtf) so stefan sighs and asks to schedule an appointment tomorrow. he is successful in doing so and out of nowhere , hangs up to go jack off

ten minutes later, stefan has finished the awful descent back up to his room to jack off because suddenly the fire has been put out by his magical gay boy powers . he flops onto his bed and puts on some good music to put him in the mood. sweatshirt by jacob sartorius begins to blast out at full volume . the neighbors try to drown out his music with jojo siwa but they are no match for gay boy stefan and his soothing music . slowly, stefan jacks off and cries at the same time , thinking of colin ritman, the guy he just met but is somehow already in love with??

when he finishes jacking off ten hours later to the thought of colin playing bandersnatch, stefan uses his tears to clean up his mess . unbothered, stefan heads downstairs to go declare his love to colin ritman . totally unprecedented, an “unknown” person rings the doorbell. stefan opens the door, still covered with blood and tears, to see colin . colin stares at him

“you killed your dad lol i can smell the blood” colin says like a hyena

“yup” stefan seethes

“kiss me”

“ugh i’m in love with you” moans stefan while he presses his lips against colin’s white boy of the month lips 

then they go onto the couch that has magically appeared in stefan’s living room to have the smashing of bodies (aka the sex) . they don’t use a condom because, in colin’s words, “we can’t get pregnant beeyotch” (don’t worry they’re both clean so they’re not going to die)

-

one day later

stefan and colin are at a wedding chapel. stefan is wearing a beautiful clown suit and colin wearing a dazzling leaf that just barely covers his junk. the priest is only marrying them because he’s afraid that stefan will go all psycho (sicko mode!) on HIS ass next

“i do” stefan says

“i do” colin ejaculates “mwah”

“haha hit or miss” interrupts the priest

suddenly sweatshirt starts playing over the loudspeakers at the request of stefan sneakily

“it’s our song” smirks colin knowingly 

he bashfully grabs stefan and pulls him out into the road to dance. together, they dance to the beat of their favorite song by their favorite boy (who they later adopt, because they’re time travelers that can travel to the 21st century)

then, because it’s a black mirror episode, both boys die of lung cancer 

the end

**Author's Note:**

> this story will haunt me forever


End file.
